Before my rant, enjoy the lemon related advice below. I've also included the voice piece to go with it.
"Alright, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade! Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons; what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down... with the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!'"
Now that I have got that beautiful speech out of the way.
I'm doing better now. Not a whole lot better but still, I'm not feeling nearly as bad as I was a few days ago. I believe the source of my problems is a lack of energy. Whether I am sick or undergoing some chemical misbalance is unknown to me but I do know that exercise would help me a lot right now. I have had some trouble with my feet recently (I'd rather not go into detail about it) and what had started as "Ow! Walking feels unpleasant", has become "Christ, my foot touched something. That felt like glass."
Walking is incredibly painful. Standing is painful. Any pressure on my feet results in pain. I limp to the store when I go out. I have been unable to exercise or really do anything in the past few months.
Luckily I was able to set up a doctors appointment so I will hopefully get some insight into this soon.
Stress Can Weigh More Than Stones
For the past few months I have been free of a job and have been able to pursue my goals at last. I've never been happier (most of the time). Of course not leaving the house can make life a bit bland but nonetheless I have been happier than if I had a job.
My girlfriend (Gazelle/Jesselle) has worked at a fast food business for the past 9 months or so. The job has been really hard on her and due to her lack of close friends, I am burdened with all of her stress. I don't want to see her struggle and it is really hard to see her deal with the type of people that come in as customers. She cries and tells me how much she just wants to just leave it all behind. If only life was that simple.
My goal with pursuing game development is to have all the bills covered every month so that her and I can just take time off when we need it, and just enjoy life. But I find myself caught in a vicious cycle.
She blows up. Tears running down her face and what feels like silent yelling. I stay by her side and as a result receive a lot of the stress she is dealing with. I then proceed to feel responsible for everything and realize just how powerless I am at this particular moment. If having a job would change anything I would have never left my first job. But in reality minimum wage doesn't make a difference. Having an extra $600-$800 a month does next to nothing for us. She still works ridiculous hours and can't say no to the higher-ups. I work 35 or more hours a week and find myself lacking the energy to pursue my goals.
I can't imagine living an all around enjoyable life. It literally is such a foreign thought that I can't conceive it. I watched my mother struggle while raising me and my father only now starting to figure things out. I want to say "it's our country that sucks" or something along those lines, place the blame elsewhere, but I can't. There is no one to blame and that is probably the most frustrating part of all this. Life sucks and you have to focus on the happy memories to make everything else seem less bleak.
Sorry for the rant but I have been unable to get much done today due to all this rolling around in my head. Thanks for reading.