This past week has been rather depressing. I sat inside for the majority of the time doing next to nothing. The combination of my lack of productivity and my fear of failure have sent me down a rabbit hole that I am now attempting to climb out of. Panos (co-creator/artist of Rock God Tycoon) sent me art assets more than five days ago and it took me multiple days just to get started.
I feel like a pile of unproductive shit. It would be different if I were working a day job on the side but I'm not so there is no excuse for me to be sitting around like this day after day. I do teach lessons three days a week but six hours a week of lessons isn't much of a job. I have returned to streaming on Twitch but even then, my computer manages to freeze due to overheating whilst I'm live.
What I'm trying to say here is that I feel miserably ambitious. Those two words aren't often paired but that is the only way to describe the emotions I feel.
Life In General
As each day passes I feel more and more like nothing I do will ever pay off. I don't want to be a millionaire or run my own AAA company. I just want to live comfortably and not wake up each day knowing that I'll have to face a dreary retail job at the age of 60 just to survive. The most frustrating piece of all of this is that I have nobody to blame but myself. It's my fault that I don't work 12 hours a day every day. It's my fault that I am feeling the way I feel.
I'm not causing self-harm or any of that nonsense so don't think that. This is definitely a less positive post but I am OK. Just not entirely happy with my life at the moment.